Saturday, November 10, 2007

Losing the spark? Or recreating one?

I read that after a couple has been in a relationship for a few years, the spark will deteriorate. In fact, if it had started with a fire, you'll be lucky if there is still smoke after a few years. There are many debates going on, how to re-spark the relationship? How to keep the fire burning? How to make each other fall in love all over again? And most importantly, how to recreate the element of excitement?

After a few years, of being together with someone, we virtually have no secrets from each other. We know what time our partner wakes up in the morning, what he/she does after waking up, what they like to eat, what their habits are (good and bad), what their responses are before they even answer our questions, how they smile, how they scowl, how they scold, basically everything! Then we become bored... or do we? How does it feel like to know everything is within our expectations? Everything is routine? Mundane? Does it not remove the spark further? Does it not make you feel you lack of something?

What happens if a third party comes into the picture? Someone who could provide the refreshing twist to your relationship... someone who makes you wonder what he/she does when not with you, someone mysterious, someone full of surprises... Will this attraction be strong enough to overcome the routine and mundane lifestyle you have with your current partner? Is this justifiable to be disloyal and unfaithful? Is this justifiable just to recreate the spark?

I will always hold loyalty dear to my heart. I can never condone any act of unfaithfulness. And I expect the same from my partner. Sure relationships will lose the initial spark after a while, but isn't this just the way of life? So what if I really happen to be unfaithful right now and be with someone more exciting? It does not mean the new spark will last forever. If I can do this to my current partner, what guarantee does that give to my next partner that I will not do this to him? It is never the right way to escape a problem rather than to face it.

Therefore, I am a strong believer of recreating the spark. To make us fall in love with our partners all over again. Everyone has his/her own ways. For me, the most important and effective method is the element of surprise. As I mentioned earlier, after a few years, there are simply no more surprises. You know your partner's every move and thoughts, it's just to the point of being scary. Sometimes you just wish you didn't know that much, but you can't help it. To create a surprise, a genuine one, requires a lot of hard work. It shows that your partner is making an effort, to do something he/she has never done before. It shows that he/she cares for you enough to have to go through the trouble to make you happy, to just see a smile on your face.

Going on a holiday makes a humongous difference to a relationship. Somehow, being in a foreign place just takes your mind of the local hustle and bustle of your own city, own environment, gossip, work, etc. Every day seems like a honeymoon when a couple is away in a retreat, be it somewhere domestic or somewhere far far way. It doesn't really matter. A foreign land makes you do things that you wouldn't have done otherwise. Heck if you're at a beach where everyone does skinny dipping, I bet you wouldn't mind as well, thinking that no one knows you there, and you'll be gone by the end of the week. That just gives you a wonderful feeling, to be able to explore yourself, to do something you thought you didn't dare to do, to renew the little kid inside of you. And the loveliest of it all, you will also discover the other more interesting side of your partner you didn't know. And then you fall in love again.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Or so they say. I believe it is true. Cooking is an art. No two persons can cook the same dish in exactly the same way, with the same taste. It is very personal and very customized. For a person to put in the effort, once in a while, to cook a nice meal for a partner, it is beyond sweet. And believe me, your effort will be worth the while. No matter how good/bad the food tastes, your partner will still think it's the best meal he/she ever had. And then you'll be treated to dessert... ~~~

1 comment:

The Third Party said...

I am touched by your loyalty. Its a trait not found in many. that makes you special.
I wish you all the best, may you find happiness in whatever you decide to do.