Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Skin deep beauty

I guess it's not a surprise to learn that men are visual beings, and here, I'm referring to both males and females. Most people will judge someone based on first impression, and first impressions are always visual when you meet someone. Even before you start to speak, an opinion has already formed in your opponent's mind. I know it might seem shallow, but you've got to agree with me that people with good looks usually get better first impressions compared to those who are not as lucky. People who get the extra cup of coffee, or the extra piece of doughnut for free are usually those who are comparably more attractive than most people.

But does this happen when you talk about your life partner? Is skin deep beauty going to get you the extra edge? Many people say that beauty is not only skin deep, that when you love someone, you will see beyond the flaws at the surface because love is supposed to be unconditional. But again, men are visual beings. Can they help it if the girl or guy that they see everyday is someone who's full of warts or fat or with uneven teeth? Those are just examples I can think of at the top of my head, but surely there will be many more cases which will affect how a person looks. Do you think it matters in a relationship if you don't look perfect?

A guy once told me that when you really love someone, you will look past his/her flaws. In fact, he/she might even think of your flaws as cute and adorable, something that is uniquely you. Surprisingly, he could really do what he said. I guess guys like him who are romantic do not appear often these days. Do you think most people are still in a relationship because they still feel the hots for each other even after years of being together? Or is it because they're each other's comfort zones?

Men being visual beings, will definitely get bored of looking at someone after a period of years. What happens then? Will the excitement be gone forever? Or do they go around looking for new beings? Or is it even possible to maintain the sparks forever? Tell me.


khengsiong said...

From evolution theory...
Males looked for females who could potentially bear a lot of offsprings. Such females exhibited certain traits, e.g. big breasts, big bumps. These traits eventually became what we considered as 'beauty'.

Of course, Homo sapiens have long gone beyond the evolutionary law, and the population bomb is ticking...

foongpc said...

Why are you asking this? Getting worried about Saucer? Haha!

I think what khengsiong said is quite true. But in the modern world, things are changing. A lot of men look past the first impression, and the outer feature.

But of course first impression counts. You only hook up with someone when you feel attracted to him/her : )

Adventurer said...

interesting post... but for some first impression are important... but if the guy is looking for a long term relationship, i believe he is looking for the inner beauty such as the quality of the lady but not by outer beauty.. :)

chiaoju said...

First impressions are without a doubt very important. You know how sometimes, if someone gives you a bad first impression, it makes it all the more difficult for him to get on your good side? That's just human's nature of being judgmental.

But life partner - I still believe it is looking beyond that outer layer. You know a guy once told me that when a guy is in search of a wife, it is very much different when he's only looking for a girlfriend. A wife is that one person that he wants to spend his life with and it's not all that much about how she looked. This only happens when he is in need of settling down, not wanting to play the field, satisfied with what he has and is appreciating every bit of it.

Some men just never grow up I guess. I think from watching too much desperate housewives, they think they can have that crazy hot mama living in their house, who does the dishes and make hot sex to them all night.

I still believe there are some men who are still loving the gal for who they are, but not coz she has the body of a model. Getting bored may be true, but if that person is mature enough to accept the fact that bored is something both parties have to work on and a human is not skin deep, then this person can be saved.

Oh well. I don't know what I'm rambling here. *hugs*

Plazzy said...

Another thing crossed my mind regarding men vs women.

1) First impression = Important
2) Marriage = More then just looks, just be as what you are.
3) Extra - Marital = Ok this is the interesting one, a lot of guys or womens, say ..after 5 years? 10 years? they got "bored" with their hubby/wife and start looking for "partners" but I believe, if you really asked them, they still very much love their wife/hubby, just that they want something new...fresh...
Call it selfish or inconsiderate, but its true.

Lastly , I always tell myself, and always remind myself, when i am sick, down, depressed, I don't want a pretty wife , i want a caring wife that will take care of me, look after me. Have you thought of so when you are sick? do you want a Brad Pitt that care less or a guy who is there to look after you :)

zewt said...

does this means that guys have to out with a non-so-pretty girl to show that they are not shallow?

MisSmall said...

Personally I believe that physical attraction is vital in keeping the sparks in a relationship. And that goes both ways, not just for guys.

Having said that, long term relationships have to be based on something more substantial. As relationships progress, a deeper bond is formed and that's what is gonna keep two people together through thick and thin.

Guys like your friend do exist. In fact, I'd like to think that that's how most guys are when they've found the one they truly love. Sure I'm not saying that he's always gonna find us irresistible wearing his old singlet and boxer, but here's hoping that if a guy really loves us, he's gonna find that adorable.

foongpc said...

hi! How come no updates? So busy and not settle down yet with your new home and job?

Btw, juz to let you know I've got an award for you. Go get it : )

Anonymous said...

both male and female are the same.

iamthewitch said...

khengsiong: Well you have a point, but I still think the media shaped the girls into what they define as beauty, and broadcast it to the world of men.

foongpc: You're right, I also think first impressions are important. But the problem is when you are with someone attractive for a long period of time, will the attraction fade?

Adventurer: That's what most guys will say, but do they really feel it deep down? Are they really ok with just inner beauty? I'm talking about long term relationships, will they last without some form of physical attraction?

chiaoju: Thanks for you long comment babe. I think some men just need a kick to grow up.

Plazzy: I totally agree with you on someone who'll be there for you part. However, on the extra-marital part, I'm not so sure that I can accept it no matter how sorry the guy is. It's just selfish.

zewt: No, I don't mean that zewt. I'm saying even if a guy ends up with a pretty girl, after a number of years, he will still find her boring or unattractive, just because sometimes 'Familiarity breeds contempt'? Or maybe some guys won't feel that way...

MisSmall: You're right MisSmall... Physical attraction is really a 2-way street. I think the problem with most guys is that it takes them a longer time to realize that the long-term relationships should base on more substantial things rather than physical attraction.

Anonymous: In what way? :)

Adventurer said...

long term relationship doesn't just about physical.. it is a 2 way traffic that make the long term relationship works :)
especially not just the physical but alos on the love tank that each of them are fueling.. empty love tank will lead to empty love to give... which will be dry and dangerous for a relationship to continue on.