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I'm lost for words. I don't even know what's the appropriate title for this post. Can anything go more wrong than this? I've tried so hard, oh how I've tried, and yet it's not enough. The worst thing is that I've tried hard to improve on another different aspect, and yet this is not the same aspect that is evaluated. Does that mean my efforts go to waste? Memories keep flooding me, my mind almost cannot contain them anymore.

I knew this was wrong from the start, there were too many uncertainties. But isn't that what life is? Uncertainties? What is the excitement when you know what is going to happen at every minute of the day? So then I persevered, thinking that this is nothing to be worried about. There were definitely good times, times that made me think that this was indeed right, that all my worries were pointless and without base. But there were definitely times that made me think thrice, that I should back out before it is too late. Now is one of those times.

I am at a loss. I think it is a signal for me to take a step back and to weigh out my options, but memories are dragging me back. Good ones, for that matter. How do you judge whether the good ones are outweighing the bad ones? How do you know whether the bad ones offset the good ones, so much so that the inevitable loss has to be faced? Oh these memories just won't go away. Everywhere I go and everywhere I look, I am attacked. These are bullets more potent than bullets themselves, shooting right through the heart. And they are invisible, so there is no way they can be retrieved. Only time will help. Only time will let the heart heal. And memories, please go away.