Monday, March 24, 2008

Untitled

I'm lost for words. I don't even know what's the appropriate title for this post. Can anything go more wrong than this? I've tried so hard, oh how I've tried, and yet it's not enough. The worst thing is that I've tried hard to improve on another different aspect, and yet this is not the same aspect that is evaluated. Does that mean my efforts go to waste? Memories keep flooding me, my mind almost cannot contain them anymore.

I knew this was wrong from the start, there were too many uncertainties. But isn't that what life is? Uncertainties? What is the excitement when you know what is going to happen at every minute of the day? So then I persevered, thinking that this is nothing to be worried about. There were definitely good times, times that made me think that this was indeed right, that all my worries were pointless and without base. But there were definitely times that made me think thrice, that I should back out before it is too late. Now is one of those times.

I am at a loss. I think it is a signal for me to take a step back and to weigh out my options, but memories are dragging me back. Good ones, for that matter. How do you judge whether the good ones are outweighing the bad ones? How do you know whether the bad ones offset the good ones, so much so that the inevitable loss has to be faced? Oh these memories just won't go away. Everywhere I go and everywhere I look, I am attacked. These are bullets more potent than bullets themselves, shooting right through the heart. And they are invisible, so there is no way they can be retrieved. Only time will help. Only time will let the heart heal. And memories, please go away.

4 comments:

ablogaway said...

Hmm.. I'm lost too after reading this. Knew you wanted to say something, but don't know how to say it out. Hope you'll sort things out soon and make the right decision.

thethirdparty said...

time can really do miracle, i hardly remember the pain i had 10 years ago. it was the worst time in my life. unfortunately, time is a slow medicine. espcially when u want it fast. so hang on tough, keep looking forward. keep doing something new. and oh btw ... have i never mentioned to you that you are perfect in every way? hahaha

iamthewitch said...

ablogaway: thank you so much for your concern and kind thoughts. Really touched by that. :) Don't worry, I'm fine now, everything is ok, or so I hope. There are never right or wrong decisions huh?

thethirdparty: Oh yes, you did mention to me that before, and was I flattered! :) I'm glad that you appeared in my life and you showed me how it feels to be perfect ;)

Mei said...

Dunno what's wrong from your post but I'm always ready to listen..